Lessons in Grace

Easter hit me pretty hard this year. For the first time in my entire life, Easter was more than a chance to finally wear white pants (I've been wearing them for months now. My fashionable friend says that rule is old school) and it was more than the chance to buy a new dress (I didn't buy anything new this year).

This year, Easter was a glorious day that celebrated the time a homeless, brown man, who was the son of God, came down here and without knowing me, for I would not be born for many more centuries, hung on a cross while his mother wept at his feet just so that I could know grace.

You should all read that run on sentence above as though you had written it. Because He came down here to give all of us grace. So, you, who would not be born for many more centuries, have grace because of a homeless guy who loved you more than words.

The fact that He wept in the garden and prayed that this would not go down, that He would not be humiliated and in excruciating pain and mocked, really got to me this year. Because I'm not a terrible person, but I'm not a great one either and yet, He did that for me. For us He watched his friend betray him, for us He gave his life, for us He died so that we may have grace without making a sacrifice, without having to ask for it. And so now, that I know what Easter is really about, I'm disturbed by how little grace exists in the world. Grace is the greatest gift any of us have ever been given and none of us ever deserved it, for one reason or another.

I never deserved it because I didn't believe in it for a long time, because I often catch myself judging a book by its cover, because sometimes I delight in other people's struggles when I think they deserve it, because I don't always give the grace I've been given. I'm sure if you thought about it, you would find you have reasons like mine. But they're really hard to admit. No one likes to admit that they are an asshole.

Sometimes I take up "personal enrichment projects" where I try to work on one particular thing that I've noticed I suck at in life. Sometimes the projects are "successful" but most of the time I fail because I need more help than my own willingness and willpower can give. About 6 months ago, my personal enrichment project was to not buy clothes for a year. I recognized in myself that I was chasing my value through the way that I clothed myself. And I also noticed that even though I thought my value was tied to my clothing, I was never happy with how much my clothes told me I was worth. I failed at that project. I have bought clothes. I still think about clothes. I have, however, stopped buying clothes just because they're trendy or because they look good on someone else. And I have started to really think about what I like and what I feel good in. I've also given away most of my wardrobe and am down to a few key pieces. I can fit my wardrobe in a suitcase if I needed to and that's not a bad ending to a failure of a project.

On Good Friday, which wasn't actually good at all for Jesus, I decided to make my personal enrichment project Grace. To give it freely and without reason.

Hours into this project, I learned a lesson: Grace gives Blessings. I was driving Fifi to school on a curvy back road that I really enjoy speeding on. Stop judging. I like to go fast. From the backseat, she asked if I would open her granola bar because she didn't have breakfast at home. We were running late. We're always running late so she routinely eats granola bars on the way to school. I never claimed to be a a good mama in the morning. My good mothering only comes out between the hours of 10am and 7pm and that's a long enough work day for me. The other times of day that I am called to mother are not good.

Anyway, back to grace. I slowed way, way down so that I could open her granola bar because we were going around a very sharp curve. As we rounded the curve, there were two baby deer standing in the middle of each lane on the road. Had I been speeding or if I had said "Wait until I get to a stop sign" we would have plowed right into those deer and who knows what would have happened. That was the only affirmation I needed that giving grace is a really good thing.

I've been given many opportunities since then to give grace freely and lavishly. I've experienced a lot of growing pains in trying to become a person who gives grace freely instead of giving judgement and bad thoughts freely. But I am convinced this is a personal enrichment project that has a lot of lessons to be learned and a lot of blessings to be had. It is a project worth my commitment, it is worth my persistence even when I suck at giving grace.

The world needs a whole lot more grace. If we all got together and decided to give grace freely to whomever exists in our own lives, just think of how much extra grace there would be to go around!

Please join me in giving free grace, grace without a price, grace without the expectation of reciprocity. We could all use a little more. And just think of the blessings you might find!